The students are coming! The students are coming!
Alright, so they're already here. In fact, the Brazilians have come, left and bought the t-shirt. And speaking of t-shirts...have I mentioned that I'm required to wear one for the entirety of the 5 1/2 weeks I work here? Would that normally be an issue? Of course not. Is it ridiculous because I was given an XL that was dug out of the bottom of a filing cabinet, has paint on it and looks like I'm wearing a nightgown to work? Yes. Plus, it's kind of difficult to use my arms when the shoulder seams are down at my elbows. Oy! Just another example of the DWW on a power trip. She, the music director and the choreographer can wear whatever they want and whatever they feel comfortable in for working. Me? A tent.
Working with the students was actually wonderful...when I was actually allowed to work with them. Early in the process I was told that my only job was to sing the songs once through as a demonstration and then to remain silent while the music director did the actual teaching (and, of course, to do any mundane task the DWW asked for. that's a given). As a certified theater and music educator, this was painful. Especially since the music director repeatedly ASKED for my help, but the DWW said no.
That is, until she was in a bind with no other options.
Here I come to save the DAY!!!!!!!
For our morning workshops, we had a separate piano player to assist the teachers. That music director was very talented and highly qualified, lots of great credentials in that bio and perfect to be accompanying Broadway performers as they taught dances from their shows. Week 1: great. No problems at all.
Week 2: Monday morning. Started out like any other morning. I arrive to set up the room for the day, the Broadway guest artist arrives, I text the DWW every time I take a step or blink an eye, etc.
Well, the piano player's call time comes and goes, and still no piano player. I call him. The DWW calls him. The DWW calls me:
Apparently, the piano player forgot to look at the schedule and went out of town. Out of town! I've got a cast member from a Broadway show and 20 Brazilians waiting to dance, and no piano player. Oh wait...I'M a piano player.
Rewind to the past week: there had been a need for another piano player for an audition portion of the workshop. The music director suggested to the DWW that I would be the best person for the job because I can read music well and can sight read. The only three people in the room when this happened were me, the music director and the DWW. After the music director says, "Get Rachel to do it. She'd be perfect." The DWW looks me in the eye and says, "Oh no, I need someone really good."
Mind you this person has never even seen me play, while the music director HAS. But the DWW assumes that since I'm, I don't know, young...from the Midwest...not a Broadway star...that I must be mediocre.
Cut back to the day of the MIA accompanist. The DWW is frantically putting in calls to other piano players, but of course none are available at 8:00 a.m., so she very reluctantly asks me if I think I'm capable of doing the workshop. I say sure, no problem, especially because I make sure it involves an extra paycheck.
So I talk to the guest artist about the cuts, sit down at the piano and begin teaching the song to the Brazilians. Because, after all, I taught choir for three years. No big deal.
Then, the guest artist begins teaching the dance, and I begin sight reading the score. Because, after all, I took piano for 18 years and it was my minor in college. No big deal.
So the workshop went great. The guest artist was complimentary, which made me feel good, and the DWW hired me to accompany the next two workshops as well.
But here's the best part. Even after I saved her ass 3 days in a row, I was still chewed out for not wearing the stupid ginormous t-shirt at one point during the day. REALLY???!?!?! You don't think I earned enough respect to choose my own wardrobe after completely bailing you out of a crazy problem? REALLY!!?? Well I've got a t-shirt I want you to wear, and it's a graphic t with my middle finger on it.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
It IS a problem!
Since my conversation with the DWW where I pointed out that the condescending tone used to address the employees might be part of the reason we react the way we do, the DWW has actually been semi-pleasant to me. Not nice, mind you, and CERTAINLY not normal, but a kind of quasi-decent where its just enough to make my work experience not horrible.
However, there have still been a few gems I thought the readers might enjoy.
1. I was asked to research a few video companies for a potential project,and I was told to go get the names of the companies from my coworker. So I go over there, and my coworker is already looking at them. We look at them together for a little bit, watch a promo video for one company, and then I go back to my desk and do a little of my own research on the companies. *ring ring* My coworker gets a call. It's HER! dun dun dun. My coworker begins discussing opinions and observations about the companies, and just in passing mentions that we had looked at the websites together briefly...AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Horror of all horrors! Two coworkers collaborating on a project!!! The world is going to self-destruct!!!
Oh, what do you mean that's not a normal reaction to two coworkers collaborating? Well, according to the DWW it's the only appropriate reaction.
Shortly after my coworker hangs up, clearly defeated, my phone rings. Again, dun dun dun. The DWW, with all the pleasantness one can muster, begins to tell me that I should not discuss assignments with coworkers because they are assigned for a specific reason. My work is none of my coworkers' business and vice versa. If I am told to get information from a coworker, I should get NOTHING but the SPECIFIED information and then move on. No discussion, no sharing of ideas and certainly no chit chat. I was pretty much instructed not to speak to my fellow employees unless the DWW said I could. So apparently it's marshal law/Nazi Germany in the office now...even though the DWW doesn't work out of the office, but from home.
2. The second event was minor, but just makes me laugh because it's so uncalled for. The DWW was out of town for a personal emergency. So yes, apparently the DWW is human and has friends. So I can appreciate that the DWW was emotionally distraught because of personal situations, but still... I was trying to be a good employee and keep my employer informed about our progress. I said we were missing some of the materials we were supposed to find from a previous project, but we were searching. I was immediately snapped at that I shouldn't tell the DWW that until I have some sort of solution. Wait, didn't you yell at me a few weeks ago for not checking in with you enough? And now you say I'm giving you TMI? Which is it friend?
So anyway, we all go looking for the materials in the office. We can't find them, but they are audio cd's which we can easily remake. No big deal right? WRONG!
I call the DWW back and say, "So we didn't find them, but we're just going to burn them again and it shouldn't be a problem." Just trying to be pleasant and positive.
The response? The DWW snaps, "Well it IS a problem. It IS a problem because it's MY property and its missing."
You know what? You're right. A few missing CD's burned from files on the computer is definitely a problem, like world hunger or homelessness, right? Totally worth getting upset about, right? This person really needs lessons in priorities, and probably some deep breathing exercises.
However, there have still been a few gems I thought the readers might enjoy.
1. I was asked to research a few video companies for a potential project,and I was told to go get the names of the companies from my coworker. So I go over there, and my coworker is already looking at them. We look at them together for a little bit, watch a promo video for one company, and then I go back to my desk and do a little of my own research on the companies. *ring ring* My coworker gets a call. It's HER! dun dun dun. My coworker begins discussing opinions and observations about the companies, and just in passing mentions that we had looked at the websites together briefly...AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Horror of all horrors! Two coworkers collaborating on a project!!! The world is going to self-destruct!!!
Oh, what do you mean that's not a normal reaction to two coworkers collaborating? Well, according to the DWW it's the only appropriate reaction.
Shortly after my coworker hangs up, clearly defeated, my phone rings. Again, dun dun dun. The DWW, with all the pleasantness one can muster, begins to tell me that I should not discuss assignments with coworkers because they are assigned for a specific reason. My work is none of my coworkers' business and vice versa. If I am told to get information from a coworker, I should get NOTHING but the SPECIFIED information and then move on. No discussion, no sharing of ideas and certainly no chit chat. I was pretty much instructed not to speak to my fellow employees unless the DWW said I could. So apparently it's marshal law/Nazi Germany in the office now...even though the DWW doesn't work out of the office, but from home.
2. The second event was minor, but just makes me laugh because it's so uncalled for. The DWW was out of town for a personal emergency. So yes, apparently the DWW is human and has friends. So I can appreciate that the DWW was emotionally distraught because of personal situations, but still... I was trying to be a good employee and keep my employer informed about our progress. I said we were missing some of the materials we were supposed to find from a previous project, but we were searching. I was immediately snapped at that I shouldn't tell the DWW that until I have some sort of solution. Wait, didn't you yell at me a few weeks ago for not checking in with you enough? And now you say I'm giving you TMI? Which is it friend?
So anyway, we all go looking for the materials in the office. We can't find them, but they are audio cd's which we can easily remake. No big deal right? WRONG!
I call the DWW back and say, "So we didn't find them, but we're just going to burn them again and it shouldn't be a problem." Just trying to be pleasant and positive.
The response? The DWW snaps, "Well it IS a problem. It IS a problem because it's MY property and its missing."
You know what? You're right. A few missing CD's burned from files on the computer is definitely a problem, like world hunger or homelessness, right? Totally worth getting upset about, right? This person really needs lessons in priorities, and probably some deep breathing exercises.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Huh?
Today could only be described as...strange. Not good, not bad, just strange.
All was going well on the island of the Devil Wears Wal-Mart. We were getting work done, no one was insulting anyone's intelligence or making outrageous demands. It was a nice change. Then 1:00 rolled around and the tides turned. Out of nowhere the DWW started aggressively demanding that I change my format for rehearsal...the same format that had been perfectly fine for the entire 3 hour rehearsal prior. I asked for some clarification about what exactly the expectations were for this rehearsal, but didn't get a straight answer. So I went over to the piano to sing, made eye contact with another employee and smiled. That was enough to merit a clandestine discussion, because immediately I was called into the hallway. THE HALLWAY! A favorite technique of kindergarten teachers and angry soccer moms everywhere, "May I speak to you in the hallway" complete with beckoning finger motion has got to be one of the most condescending things to do to an adult in public. So we chatted, and I was told that the smile I had shared with that employee was inappropriate because it meant I was adopting that specific employee's bad attitude.
HUH?
I was thoroughly confused. The DWW continued to talk and it was revealed that the big boss has been having some troubles with that particular employee and didn't want me sharing in the 'tude. During the lecture, I asked if I could say something. I had to ask about 6 times because each time I asked, I got a new speech about how the DWW is in charge and I need to remember that (got it, thanks). I was also told that if I was trying to give advice, it wasn't welcome because "I've been running a business for ten years and I don't need any advice." (Yep, clearly you've got it all figured out. No more learning necessary...in the education field...?)
I assured the DWW that it was simply an observation of how I perceived our communication. I said I found the way the DWW speaks to me and to others extremely condescending and insulting. The DWW, after much floundering, finally decided on the argument that I should get over it, not take it personally and realize that a lot of people out there are too busy to worry about how they are coming across to their employees. Really? That's your argument? "I'm too busy to worry about being a decent human being." My favorite part was actually the statement that as the boss, "I shouldn't be expected to change my personality for you. But if I observe something about you that needs changing, you should do it immediately. That's just how the business works." No, that's just how YOUR business works. The DWW honestly believes the business model of "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" is appropriate, but any problems I have, I should just "get over" as part of the job description.
I disagree, and my Master's Degree in Instructional Leadership disagrees also. The best leaders are those who set the precedent, not the exception. Level 5 leaders, the ideal leadership model, are based on humility and professional will. They are not icons trying to make a show of their leadership. They lead from within, not above. If employees like their bosses, they will generally work harder because it doesn't feel like "work" in the negative connotation. Micro-managing, publicly demanding and constantly requiring check-ins, check-outs, triple checks and so on creates an atmosphere of mistrust, as if the boss doesn't truly believe that the employees can do their jobs.
Ok, so now I know that part of our problem stems from a difference in opinion about leadership styles. But it also stems from the fact that the DWW is incapable of self-analyzing. Meaning: the DWW is having personal and professional conflict with another employee, but rather than firing said employee or just "getting over it" as I was instructed to do with my issue, the DWW takes out frustration and annoyance on all other employees and doesn't realize it. Here's how I know this (enter today's wierdness).
I think the DWW actually attempted a round-about apology to me today. STOP THE PRESSES! I was called into the hallway (a second time. I hope mom doesn't find out or she won't make me my after-school snack) and was basically told several more times that there are issues I don't know about, don't take things personally and just do my job because that's how it works in "the business." Then, I had the conversation a THIRD time behind closed office doors. I don't know if my telling the DWW that the condescending tone is offensive actually sunk in after a few hours or what, but in a passive aggressive sort of way, I think that was a kind-of sort-of apology for being a huge jerk. I'm not sure if the apology is accepted yet. Time will tell.
On a side note, I found out recently that the Devil Wears Wal-Mart's address is literally 666. Coincidence? You decide.
All was going well on the island of the Devil Wears Wal-Mart. We were getting work done, no one was insulting anyone's intelligence or making outrageous demands. It was a nice change. Then 1:00 rolled around and the tides turned. Out of nowhere the DWW started aggressively demanding that I change my format for rehearsal...the same format that had been perfectly fine for the entire 3 hour rehearsal prior. I asked for some clarification about what exactly the expectations were for this rehearsal, but didn't get a straight answer. So I went over to the piano to sing, made eye contact with another employee and smiled. That was enough to merit a clandestine discussion, because immediately I was called into the hallway. THE HALLWAY! A favorite technique of kindergarten teachers and angry soccer moms everywhere, "May I speak to you in the hallway" complete with beckoning finger motion has got to be one of the most condescending things to do to an adult in public. So we chatted, and I was told that the smile I had shared with that employee was inappropriate because it meant I was adopting that specific employee's bad attitude.
HUH?
I was thoroughly confused. The DWW continued to talk and it was revealed that the big boss has been having some troubles with that particular employee and didn't want me sharing in the 'tude. During the lecture, I asked if I could say something. I had to ask about 6 times because each time I asked, I got a new speech about how the DWW is in charge and I need to remember that (got it, thanks). I was also told that if I was trying to give advice, it wasn't welcome because "I've been running a business for ten years and I don't need any advice." (Yep, clearly you've got it all figured out. No more learning necessary...in the education field...?)
I assured the DWW that it was simply an observation of how I perceived our communication. I said I found the way the DWW speaks to me and to others extremely condescending and insulting. The DWW, after much floundering, finally decided on the argument that I should get over it, not take it personally and realize that a lot of people out there are too busy to worry about how they are coming across to their employees. Really? That's your argument? "I'm too busy to worry about being a decent human being." My favorite part was actually the statement that as the boss, "I shouldn't be expected to change my personality for you. But if I observe something about you that needs changing, you should do it immediately. That's just how the business works." No, that's just how YOUR business works. The DWW honestly believes the business model of "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" is appropriate, but any problems I have, I should just "get over" as part of the job description.
I disagree, and my Master's Degree in Instructional Leadership disagrees also. The best leaders are those who set the precedent, not the exception. Level 5 leaders, the ideal leadership model, are based on humility and professional will. They are not icons trying to make a show of their leadership. They lead from within, not above. If employees like their bosses, they will generally work harder because it doesn't feel like "work" in the negative connotation. Micro-managing, publicly demanding and constantly requiring check-ins, check-outs, triple checks and so on creates an atmosphere of mistrust, as if the boss doesn't truly believe that the employees can do their jobs.
Ok, so now I know that part of our problem stems from a difference in opinion about leadership styles. But it also stems from the fact that the DWW is incapable of self-analyzing. Meaning: the DWW is having personal and professional conflict with another employee, but rather than firing said employee or just "getting over it" as I was instructed to do with my issue, the DWW takes out frustration and annoyance on all other employees and doesn't realize it. Here's how I know this (enter today's wierdness).
I think the DWW actually attempted a round-about apology to me today. STOP THE PRESSES! I was called into the hallway (a second time. I hope mom doesn't find out or she won't make me my after-school snack) and was basically told several more times that there are issues I don't know about, don't take things personally and just do my job because that's how it works in "the business." Then, I had the conversation a THIRD time behind closed office doors. I don't know if my telling the DWW that the condescending tone is offensive actually sunk in after a few hours or what, but in a passive aggressive sort of way, I think that was a kind-of sort-of apology for being a huge jerk. I'm not sure if the apology is accepted yet. Time will tell.
On a side note, I found out recently that the Devil Wears Wal-Mart's address is literally 666. Coincidence? You decide.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Sociopath: noun
"A person...who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience." - Sociopath.
This link http://www.cix.co.uk/~klockstone/spath.htm will take you to an excerpt from "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout, Ph.D. It talks about how sociopaths are unable to feel empathy towards other people, they love to be in charge of a small group of people and find ways to make those people feel bad about themselves, they are quick to blame people for mistakes, they have an air of self-importance and they can easily turn their fake charm off and on according to the situation.
This, my friends, perfectly describes The Devil Wears Wal-Mart. I figured it out (as they sing in the Pajama Game), and it only took me three weeks! That's got to be a record. So, my summer job has me working for a textbook sociopath...fantastic! That would explain why I sobbed for 10 blocks, 3 avenues and a subway ride home today after fixing a mistake that the printer made. Yes, I failed to notice it when I picked up the printing this morning, so I guess I should have sat at the printer and flipped through 40 booklets to make sure every single page was exactly correct. Silly me for thinking that A: the printers would do their job correctly and B: the 8 documents I DID look through, which were perfectly fine, were a sufficient test sample. And of course only 2 out of the 40 documents were slightly wonky, but that was enough to merit a lecture about responsibility and "doing what I tell you." This goes along with the empathy issue. The DWW is unable to recognize that people have lives outside of the office and could possibly get distracted, make mistakes or have an "off" day. I am working for this loony-bird full time while also taking a graduate class for my second Master's degree and interviewing for new jobs in the fall (because ain't no way I'm working here a day over contract). Busy? You betcha. So I apologize that I didn't have time to listen to your 45 minute voicemail this morning on my way to work. I was busy...doing work!
This responsibility lecture came right after I was asked if I knew how to use a highlighter. Do I know how to use a highlighter? That's like asking if I'm confident in my knowledge of the alphabet or if I am capable of using my hands. Hi, I'm Rachel. I formally studied piano for 18 years, so yes, I am confident in my highlighting skills and I am in full control of my muscular dexterity, thanks. Simply stunning.
My favorite interactions with the DWW yesterday included excessive name-dropping and insistence that I need to check my voicemail even when I'm on the subway (a physical impossibility, but sure, why not?). The name-dropping was particularly funny because it was a person that we had never heard of and did not care about, but the DWW made sure to mention it every time a new person entered the room, which was at least 5 times. Oy!
"What a piece of work is man." - Shakespeare
This link http://www.cix.co.uk/~klockstone/spath.htm will take you to an excerpt from "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout, Ph.D. It talks about how sociopaths are unable to feel empathy towards other people, they love to be in charge of a small group of people and find ways to make those people feel bad about themselves, they are quick to blame people for mistakes, they have an air of self-importance and they can easily turn their fake charm off and on according to the situation.
This, my friends, perfectly describes The Devil Wears Wal-Mart. I figured it out (as they sing in the Pajama Game), and it only took me three weeks! That's got to be a record. So, my summer job has me working for a textbook sociopath...fantastic! That would explain why I sobbed for 10 blocks, 3 avenues and a subway ride home today after fixing a mistake that the printer made. Yes, I failed to notice it when I picked up the printing this morning, so I guess I should have sat at the printer and flipped through 40 booklets to make sure every single page was exactly correct. Silly me for thinking that A: the printers would do their job correctly and B: the 8 documents I DID look through, which were perfectly fine, were a sufficient test sample. And of course only 2 out of the 40 documents were slightly wonky, but that was enough to merit a lecture about responsibility and "doing what I tell you." This goes along with the empathy issue. The DWW is unable to recognize that people have lives outside of the office and could possibly get distracted, make mistakes or have an "off" day. I am working for this loony-bird full time while also taking a graduate class for my second Master's degree and interviewing for new jobs in the fall (because ain't no way I'm working here a day over contract). Busy? You betcha. So I apologize that I didn't have time to listen to your 45 minute voicemail this morning on my way to work. I was busy...doing work!
This responsibility lecture came right after I was asked if I knew how to use a highlighter. Do I know how to use a highlighter? That's like asking if I'm confident in my knowledge of the alphabet or if I am capable of using my hands. Hi, I'm Rachel. I formally studied piano for 18 years, so yes, I am confident in my highlighting skills and I am in full control of my muscular dexterity, thanks. Simply stunning.
My favorite interactions with the DWW yesterday included excessive name-dropping and insistence that I need to check my voicemail even when I'm on the subway (a physical impossibility, but sure, why not?). The name-dropping was particularly funny because it was a person that we had never heard of and did not care about, but the DWW made sure to mention it every time a new person entered the room, which was at least 5 times. Oy!
"What a piece of work is man." - Shakespeare
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
The Great Paper Caper
Today, on The Devil Wears Wal-Mart,
Let's refer back to the top quote from last week, shall we? I believe it went a little something like this...
"Stop worrying about doing things correctly and just do what I say."
Ok, so if I'm trying to be a good employee (which I begrudgingly am, with valiant effort at not losing my dignity or my sanity) then I should follow this sage advice, right? So today my assigned task was to make copies of our entire script, educational materials and study guide for our entire creative team. That's 7 copies of a GINORMOUS document choc-full-o musical goodness, people. I was told to take care of this task in the office, as it was the only thing assigned to me today. So I'm printing away, minding my own business, when another office patron (from a different company. We're in a shared space - NYC style) gets angry with me because "[insert company name here] is doing these huge printing jobs again after we specifically told you not to." Notice the keyword - "again." As in, this has apparently been a running theme around the office, a theme which my boss conveniently forgot to mention to me, the lowly worker bee. So I apologize profusely, quickly quit my printing job and allow my grumpy office friends to complete their printing jobs. I wait a bit, then continue printing because I have to bring the documents to the "big meeting" tomorrow. 762 pages later (yup, a ream and a half of printer paper, gone. Apparently my boss isn't one for saving the trees), I had completed the job. During that time, my grumpy office friends had apparently called my boss to say, "Hey, quit using our printer as your own personal Kinkos." So, in turn, my boss calls me. And so it begins...
The DWW proceeds to tell me that it is my fault that my grumpy office friends are grumpy, that I should have called the minute I realized that anyone was remotely upset and that I have to use "better judgement" in the office. First of all, the people in the office were grumpy because you selfishly used the office goods and services in a way you weren't supposed to, but you set me up to take the fall for it. And now I'M grumpy because you made me look like a jerk, when really I was just adhering to quote #1 from the previous week and trying to DO MY JOB!!!!!! Next, do I really need to call you "the minute" someone is upset? If that were the case, I would be in a perpetual state of on-the-phone-with-you, because everyone is upset with you ALL THE TIME! You are ridiculous! And finally, you might want to be careful instructing me to use better judgement, because better judgement would probably involve me quitting, spilling a cup of coffee on your jorts and then stomping on your big toe on the way out the door, just for good measure.
Wait until you hear the DWW's solution to this office animosity. Simply reduce the amount of daily printing generated by our office? Of course not. Purchase our own heavy-duty printer to keep up with demand and stay out of everyone else's way? Ha! No, no. My instructions from now on are to "just space out the larger printing jobs over the course of an entire day so nobody notices and we don't interrupt anybody." As in, print 762 pages...5 pages at a time...in a span of 6 hours. Yep. I was actually instructed to use good old fashioned deception to keep doing exactly what I had just been told I couldn't do. And I absolutely love how second-grade playground this plan is. Let's throw rocks at little Tommy while his back is turned, then when he turns around we'll whistle, kick the dirt and pretend it wasn't us. I think they're going to notice that I go over to the printer every hour on the hour, and that the paper supply is depleting just as fast as it did today. The DWW would probably tell me that I am overestimating the intelligence of everyone in the office, and that there is no way they would notice because they are all idiots. The condescension coming from every word breathed by this individual is astounding. Let's hear it for World's Greatest Boss.
Whew, deep breaths. So after that nonsense went down, I did actually go apologize to the grumpy office friend that was particularly offended by the excessive printing, and made sure that friend knew that I had no idea it wasn't allowed and it wouldn't happen again. They proceeded to tell me that they knew it was because the Ruler of Crazytown had decreed it, and they were not mad at me. Advantage: Rachel.
The icing on the ludicrous cake today was that after all of that, I had to cart a finished copy of the script up to 90th street to hand deliver it to the DWW, because of course the DWW couldn't be bothered with venturing more than a block from its natural habitat...and was also having a super-important meeting (a.k.a. lunch with a friend) that couldn't be interrupted. So, 5 extra subway dollars and 45 minutes later, I was free.
Here's to tomorrow's adventure. Is it August yet?
Let's refer back to the top quote from last week, shall we? I believe it went a little something like this...
"Stop worrying about doing things correctly and just do what I say."
Ok, so if I'm trying to be a good employee (which I begrudgingly am, with valiant effort at not losing my dignity or my sanity) then I should follow this sage advice, right? So today my assigned task was to make copies of our entire script, educational materials and study guide for our entire creative team. That's 7 copies of a GINORMOUS document choc-full-o musical goodness, people. I was told to take care of this task in the office, as it was the only thing assigned to me today. So I'm printing away, minding my own business, when another office patron (from a different company. We're in a shared space - NYC style) gets angry with me because "[insert company name here] is doing these huge printing jobs again after we specifically told you not to." Notice the keyword - "again." As in, this has apparently been a running theme around the office, a theme which my boss conveniently forgot to mention to me, the lowly worker bee. So I apologize profusely, quickly quit my printing job and allow my grumpy office friends to complete their printing jobs. I wait a bit, then continue printing because I have to bring the documents to the "big meeting" tomorrow. 762 pages later (yup, a ream and a half of printer paper, gone. Apparently my boss isn't one for saving the trees), I had completed the job. During that time, my grumpy office friends had apparently called my boss to say, "Hey, quit using our printer as your own personal Kinkos." So, in turn, my boss calls me. And so it begins...
The DWW proceeds to tell me that it is my fault that my grumpy office friends are grumpy, that I should have called the minute I realized that anyone was remotely upset and that I have to use "better judgement" in the office. First of all, the people in the office were grumpy because you selfishly used the office goods and services in a way you weren't supposed to, but you set me up to take the fall for it. And now I'M grumpy because you made me look like a jerk, when really I was just adhering to quote #1 from the previous week and trying to DO MY JOB!!!!!! Next, do I really need to call you "the minute" someone is upset? If that were the case, I would be in a perpetual state of on-the-phone-with-you, because everyone is upset with you ALL THE TIME! You are ridiculous! And finally, you might want to be careful instructing me to use better judgement, because better judgement would probably involve me quitting, spilling a cup of coffee on your jorts and then stomping on your big toe on the way out the door, just for good measure.
Wait until you hear the DWW's solution to this office animosity. Simply reduce the amount of daily printing generated by our office? Of course not. Purchase our own heavy-duty printer to keep up with demand and stay out of everyone else's way? Ha! No, no. My instructions from now on are to "just space out the larger printing jobs over the course of an entire day so nobody notices and we don't interrupt anybody." As in, print 762 pages...5 pages at a time...in a span of 6 hours. Yep. I was actually instructed to use good old fashioned deception to keep doing exactly what I had just been told I couldn't do. And I absolutely love how second-grade playground this plan is. Let's throw rocks at little Tommy while his back is turned, then when he turns around we'll whistle, kick the dirt and pretend it wasn't us. I think they're going to notice that I go over to the printer every hour on the hour, and that the paper supply is depleting just as fast as it did today. The DWW would probably tell me that I am overestimating the intelligence of everyone in the office, and that there is no way they would notice because they are all idiots. The condescension coming from every word breathed by this individual is astounding. Let's hear it for World's Greatest Boss.
Whew, deep breaths. So after that nonsense went down, I did actually go apologize to the grumpy office friend that was particularly offended by the excessive printing, and made sure that friend knew that I had no idea it wasn't allowed and it wouldn't happen again. They proceeded to tell me that they knew it was because the Ruler of Crazytown had decreed it, and they were not mad at me. Advantage: Rachel.
The icing on the ludicrous cake today was that after all of that, I had to cart a finished copy of the script up to 90th street to hand deliver it to the DWW, because of course the DWW couldn't be bothered with venturing more than a block from its natural habitat...and was also having a super-important meeting (a.k.a. lunch with a friend) that couldn't be interrupted. So, 5 extra subway dollars and 45 minutes later, I was free.
Here's to tomorrow's adventure. Is it August yet?
Friday, June 10, 2011
The Devil Wears Wal-Mart
Dear Blog,
It's been a while. Sorry I haven't written in a long time. Blah-dy blah-dy blah, I live in New York City now, etc.
Ok, now that the apologies and the "long time, no see's" are out of the way, let's get down to business. This blog originated as a way to write food reviews since I love to write and I REALLY love food. I'm sure I'll continue to do some food reviews (especially since I just had the best meal of my LIFE last week. Degustation in the East Village. There was stuffed squid, grilled octopus, crispy pork belly and oatmeal risotto just to name a few. I was basically living out my fantasy of being a judge on Top Chef, only with less obnoxious talk about mouth feel or over salting). But for now the cute culinary banter will have to coexist with a feature I like to call "The Devil Wears Wal-Mart." Allow me to explain:
I work hard for the money. So hard for it honey. I work hard for the money so you better treat me right. Unfortunately, some people out there do not subscribe to the Donna Summer creed. My current situation involves one key player, henceforth known as "The Devil Wears Wal-Mart". This individual has a daily habit of making condescending, ludicrous and often just plain incorrect statements, observations and demands. This individual constantly insults the intelligence of every person he or she comes in contact with, treating fully capable and extremely over-qualified adults as if they've just shown up for a play date and it's time for their juice box. So as any good writer would do, I keep a journal of the things this individual says and I will be sharing them here, just in case you need a good laugh. So without further ado, let's hop the bus to Crazy Town.
Top 6 Statements (so far) from "The Devil Wears Wal-Mart"
6. "Go get you some food in the break room, honey."
"Thanks, I will!"
"But then come straight back to your desk and eat it here. We don't have time for social hour. There's too much to do." You're right. There's too much to do. So you should probably come to the office and help us do it instead of sitting at home and calling in every 30 minutes.
5. "Don't stand with your arms crossed. You look defensive." Or just cold at 7 a.m. standing outside on a stormy day. But sure, let's go ahead and jump to defensive. It was my first day, after all.
4. "Email me when you get into the office. Then check your voice mail because I've left you a detailed message. Then call my voice mail and leave me a message repeating back to me exactly what I've said to you on the first message. Then I'll call you back to confirm." And an hour and a half later, it's time to actually get some work done! p.s. - this is the expected "daily" routine. Wow.
3. "Honey you have to double check with me before you do anything, ok? And then you have to double check with [insert random employee name here]. " First of all, if I double check a double check, I've quadruple checked. And if it's not right by then, I should probably just leave.
2. "Don't say you understand when you don't. You couldn't possibly understand what we're doing in the meeting today." So...you hired me...why then?
1. "Stop worrying about doing things correctly and just do what I say." Just process that for one second...
Check back often for new quotes, anecdotes and observations...and hopefully a food blog or two! This summer is sure to be...special?
It's been a while. Sorry I haven't written in a long time. Blah-dy blah-dy blah, I live in New York City now, etc.
Ok, now that the apologies and the "long time, no see's" are out of the way, let's get down to business. This blog originated as a way to write food reviews since I love to write and I REALLY love food. I'm sure I'll continue to do some food reviews (especially since I just had the best meal of my LIFE last week. Degustation in the East Village. There was stuffed squid, grilled octopus, crispy pork belly and oatmeal risotto just to name a few. I was basically living out my fantasy of being a judge on Top Chef, only with less obnoxious talk about mouth feel or over salting). But for now the cute culinary banter will have to coexist with a feature I like to call "The Devil Wears Wal-Mart." Allow me to explain:
I work hard for the money. So hard for it honey. I work hard for the money so you better treat me right. Unfortunately, some people out there do not subscribe to the Donna Summer creed. My current situation involves one key player, henceforth known as "The Devil Wears Wal-Mart". This individual has a daily habit of making condescending, ludicrous and often just plain incorrect statements, observations and demands. This individual constantly insults the intelligence of every person he or she comes in contact with, treating fully capable and extremely over-qualified adults as if they've just shown up for a play date and it's time for their juice box. So as any good writer would do, I keep a journal of the things this individual says and I will be sharing them here, just in case you need a good laugh. So without further ado, let's hop the bus to Crazy Town.
Top 6 Statements (so far) from "The Devil Wears Wal-Mart"
6. "Go get you some food in the break room, honey."
"Thanks, I will!"
"But then come straight back to your desk and eat it here. We don't have time for social hour. There's too much to do." You're right. There's too much to do. So you should probably come to the office and help us do it instead of sitting at home and calling in every 30 minutes.
5. "Don't stand with your arms crossed. You look defensive." Or just cold at 7 a.m. standing outside on a stormy day. But sure, let's go ahead and jump to defensive. It was my first day, after all.
4. "Email me when you get into the office. Then check your voice mail because I've left you a detailed message. Then call my voice mail and leave me a message repeating back to me exactly what I've said to you on the first message. Then I'll call you back to confirm." And an hour and a half later, it's time to actually get some work done! p.s. - this is the expected "daily" routine. Wow.
3. "Honey you have to double check with me before you do anything, ok? And then you have to double check with [insert random employee name here]. " First of all, if I double check a double check, I've quadruple checked. And if it's not right by then, I should probably just leave.
2. "Don't say you understand when you don't. You couldn't possibly understand what we're doing in the meeting today." So...you hired me...why then?
1. "Stop worrying about doing things correctly and just do what I say." Just process that for one second...
Check back often for new quotes, anecdotes and observations...and hopefully a food blog or two! This summer is sure to be...special?
Monday, July 20, 2009
The Windy City blew me away- cullinarily speaking
Darren and I have decided that we are going to take some sort of trip every year for our anniversary. Some years it may be a week-long extravaganza to a breathtaking international destination, and others it might be a simple weekend getaway. This year we went for option B and spent a weekend in Chicago. Sure we saw some shows, went to the aquarium and took our picture with the Bean, but anyone who knows us knows the real reason we planned this vacation, or any vacation really: the food.
Every meal was carefully planned so that we would be sure to hit up all the local favorites. We knew we had to get at least one hot dog, deep dish pizza, and steak. Two of the three were actually worth all the hype.
For our hot dog, we decided to head off the beaten path to Hot Doug's Encased Meat Emporium. We rode the El out of the Loop, then hopped on a bus and rode through neighborhoods that were anything but touristy, until we arrived at a tiny shop on the corner of a fairy residential street where the line to get in already reached around the block. Two and a half hours later we finally made our way to the counter to order. Now don't let the name scare you. When I first read the words "encased meat", I too almost gagged, but there was nothing gag-worthy about these savory sausages. Aside from basic Chicago-style dogs, this place specializes in crazy concoctions and gourmet toppings. Their sausages range from pork, beef and chicken to alligator, venison and duck. Toppings like raspberry-cherry mustard, truffle aioli, fois gras mousse and mango-passionfruit mayonaisse set this place apart from the run-of-the-mill hot dog carts in the heart of the city. And if that's not enough to tempt you, how about some duck fat fries? Let me slow that down for you: duck...fat...fries. Only served on Fridays and Saturdays, these fries were like a good man (hot and rich!), but not overly greasy. I have a slight french fry addiction and these certainly didn't help. Restaurant choice number one was a success.
For our pizza, we went to a classic. Gino's East with writing all over the walls and a big, gaudy sign out front looked like tourist heaven, but when we went inside it wasn't particularly crowded. We ordered a deep dish with pepperoni and spinach (had to throw a vegetable in there to make ourselves feel better after the duck fat fries). The pizza was everything I had hoped for, and the crust almost tasted like a funnel cake. It was easy to see why this place is a Chicago staple.
As for the steak, biggest disappointment of the trip. We went to Gene and Georgetti, which is always listed in American Way Magazine as one of the top ten independent steakhouses in America. I don't know if they are just taking Gene or Georgetti's word for it, but certainly whoever put them on that list never actually ate there. The waiter was rude, the bread was stale, the mashed potatoes tasted like they came out of a box and the steaks had absolutely no flavor. It's generally a bad sign when the waiter brings out bottles of ketchup and A1 before the steaks even come out. It's basically like an apology up front. Apology not accepted.
We made up for that unfortunate experience by eating at two wonderful local restaurants that I put in a class called "Top Chef-y". It's a technical term, I know. The first was called MK. We sat under a beautiful skylight which filled the room with sunshine for our pre-show dinner. They immediately brought out some sort of first taste served in a tiny ceramic spoon. It was light and citrusy and meant to prepare our palettes for the meal to come...I guess. Whatever it was, I liked it, I loved it, I wanted some more of it. I had roast duck with artichokes and Darren had grilled salmon. Both were very tasty, but our appetizer/sidedish stole the show so much that just now I had a hard time recalling what I actually ate for dinner. As mentioned before, I have a french fry addiction and I have no plans for recovery any time soon. As an appetizer, we ordered french fries (pommes frites at a place like this) which came with truffle cream. This truffle cream is one of the top three foods I have ever eaten. I'm a sucker for a good dipping sauce anyway, but I still have dreams about this truffle cream. I almost asked for a refill, which apparently is common because the menu even lists the price for "extra truffle cream". I think Darren expressed our feelings best when he said, "I want to grow truffles in our backyard so I can make this every day!"
After we saw a show (Jersey Boys, MUCH better than I was expecting), we hopped the bus out to a dessert restaurant called Hot Chocolate. Again, very "Top Chef-y" where the presentation is just as important as the taste. My dessert came with a tiny shot of peanut butter milkshake and different drizzles of all sorts of sugary creations. The portions were tiny but the flavors were intense. They also serve, as you might expect, several versions of hot chocolate. Milk, dark, white and various combinations of the three served warm, iced or with a shot of liqueur. This restaurant is dedicated to those who love chocolate and is open late, when the chocolate cravings usually hit. It's a few steps off of a major intersection of night-life, so we didn't feel all alone but we didn't feel over crowded either, although the tables in the restaurant were very close together and I'm pretty sure I put my elbow in someone's drink while trying to sit down. But in a place serving so much chocolate, everyone is so happy that no one seemed to notice or care.
As our tastebud adventure came to a close, we felt pretty good about our choices. Since we walked everywhere or took the El instead of taking cabs, eating our way through Chicago wasn't too bad on our wallets or our waistlines. But next time we'll know better: skip the steakhouse and order that second round of truffle cream.
Every meal was carefully planned so that we would be sure to hit up all the local favorites. We knew we had to get at least one hot dog, deep dish pizza, and steak. Two of the three were actually worth all the hype.
For our hot dog, we decided to head off the beaten path to Hot Doug's Encased Meat Emporium. We rode the El out of the Loop, then hopped on a bus and rode through neighborhoods that were anything but touristy, until we arrived at a tiny shop on the corner of a fairy residential street where the line to get in already reached around the block. Two and a half hours later we finally made our way to the counter to order. Now don't let the name scare you. When I first read the words "encased meat", I too almost gagged, but there was nothing gag-worthy about these savory sausages. Aside from basic Chicago-style dogs, this place specializes in crazy concoctions and gourmet toppings. Their sausages range from pork, beef and chicken to alligator, venison and duck. Toppings like raspberry-cherry mustard, truffle aioli, fois gras mousse and mango-passionfruit mayonaisse set this place apart from the run-of-the-mill hot dog carts in the heart of the city. And if that's not enough to tempt you, how about some duck fat fries? Let me slow that down for you: duck...fat...fries. Only served on Fridays and Saturdays, these fries were like a good man (hot and rich!), but not overly greasy. I have a slight french fry addiction and these certainly didn't help. Restaurant choice number one was a success.
For our pizza, we went to a classic. Gino's East with writing all over the walls and a big, gaudy sign out front looked like tourist heaven, but when we went inside it wasn't particularly crowded. We ordered a deep dish with pepperoni and spinach (had to throw a vegetable in there to make ourselves feel better after the duck fat fries). The pizza was everything I had hoped for, and the crust almost tasted like a funnel cake. It was easy to see why this place is a Chicago staple.
As for the steak, biggest disappointment of the trip. We went to Gene and Georgetti, which is always listed in American Way Magazine as one of the top ten independent steakhouses in America. I don't know if they are just taking Gene or Georgetti's word for it, but certainly whoever put them on that list never actually ate there. The waiter was rude, the bread was stale, the mashed potatoes tasted like they came out of a box and the steaks had absolutely no flavor. It's generally a bad sign when the waiter brings out bottles of ketchup and A1 before the steaks even come out. It's basically like an apology up front. Apology not accepted.
We made up for that unfortunate experience by eating at two wonderful local restaurants that I put in a class called "Top Chef-y". It's a technical term, I know. The first was called MK. We sat under a beautiful skylight which filled the room with sunshine for our pre-show dinner. They immediately brought out some sort of first taste served in a tiny ceramic spoon. It was light and citrusy and meant to prepare our palettes for the meal to come...I guess. Whatever it was, I liked it, I loved it, I wanted some more of it. I had roast duck with artichokes and Darren had grilled salmon. Both were very tasty, but our appetizer/sidedish stole the show so much that just now I had a hard time recalling what I actually ate for dinner. As mentioned before, I have a french fry addiction and I have no plans for recovery any time soon. As an appetizer, we ordered french fries (pommes frites at a place like this) which came with truffle cream. This truffle cream is one of the top three foods I have ever eaten. I'm a sucker for a good dipping sauce anyway, but I still have dreams about this truffle cream. I almost asked for a refill, which apparently is common because the menu even lists the price for "extra truffle cream". I think Darren expressed our feelings best when he said, "I want to grow truffles in our backyard so I can make this every day!"
After we saw a show (Jersey Boys, MUCH better than I was expecting), we hopped the bus out to a dessert restaurant called Hot Chocolate. Again, very "Top Chef-y" where the presentation is just as important as the taste. My dessert came with a tiny shot of peanut butter milkshake and different drizzles of all sorts of sugary creations. The portions were tiny but the flavors were intense. They also serve, as you might expect, several versions of hot chocolate. Milk, dark, white and various combinations of the three served warm, iced or with a shot of liqueur. This restaurant is dedicated to those who love chocolate and is open late, when the chocolate cravings usually hit. It's a few steps off of a major intersection of night-life, so we didn't feel all alone but we didn't feel over crowded either, although the tables in the restaurant were very close together and I'm pretty sure I put my elbow in someone's drink while trying to sit down. But in a place serving so much chocolate, everyone is so happy that no one seemed to notice or care.
As our tastebud adventure came to a close, we felt pretty good about our choices. Since we walked everywhere or took the El instead of taking cabs, eating our way through Chicago wasn't too bad on our wallets or our waistlines. But next time we'll know better: skip the steakhouse and order that second round of truffle cream.
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