The Devil Wears Wal-Mart

Dear Blog,
It's been a while. Sorry I haven't written in a long time. Blah-dy blah-dy blah, I live in New York City now, etc.

Ok, now that the apologies and the "long time, no see's" are out of the way, let's get down to business. This blog originated as a way to write food reviews since I love to write and I REALLY love food. I'm sure I'll continue to do some food reviews (especially since I just had the best meal of my LIFE last week. Degustation in the East Village. There was stuffed squid, grilled octopus, crispy pork belly and oatmeal risotto just to name a few. I was basically living out my fantasy of being a judge on Top Chef, only with less obnoxious talk about mouth feel or over salting). But for now the cute culinary banter will have to coexist with a feature I like to call "The Devil Wears Wal-Mart." Allow me to explain:

I work hard for the money. So hard for it honey. I work hard for the money so you better treat me right. Unfortunately, some people out there do not subscribe to the Donna Summer creed. My current situation involves one key player, henceforth known as "The Devil Wears Wal-Mart". This individual has a daily habit of making condescending, ludicrous and often just plain incorrect statements, observations and demands. This individual constantly insults the intelligence of every person he or she comes in contact with, treating fully capable and extremely over-qualified adults as if they've just shown up for a play date and it's time for their juice box. So as any good writer would do, I keep a journal of the things this individual says and I will be sharing them here, just in case you need a good laugh. So without further ado, let's hop the bus to Crazy Town.

Top 6 Statements (so far) from "The Devil Wears Wal-Mart"

6. "Go get you some food in the break room, honey."
"Thanks, I will!"
"But then come straight back to your desk and eat it here. We don't have time for social hour. There's too much to do." You're right. There's too much to do. So you should probably come to the office and help us do it instead of sitting at home and calling in every 30 minutes.

5. "Don't stand with your arms crossed. You look defensive." Or just cold at 7 a.m. standing outside on a stormy day. But sure, let's go ahead and jump to defensive. It was my first day, after all.

4. "Email me when you get into the office. Then check your voice mail because I've left you a detailed message. Then call my voice mail and leave me a message repeating back to me exactly what I've said to you on the first message. Then I'll call you back to confirm." And an hour and a half later, it's time to actually get some work done! p.s. - this is the expected "daily" routine. Wow.

3. "Honey you have to double check with me before you do anything, ok? And then you have to double check with [insert random employee name here]. " First of all, if I double check a double check, I've quadruple checked. And if it's not right by then, I should probably just leave.

2. "Don't say you understand when you don't. You couldn't possibly understand what we're doing in the meeting today." So...you hired me...why then?

1. "Stop worrying about doing things correctly and just do what I say." Just process that for one second...

Check back often for new quotes, anecdotes and observations...and hopefully a food blog or two! This summer is sure to be...special?